It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
