Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
