What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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