I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
