Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
