Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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