I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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