So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
