Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
