I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
