everyone is single if you try hard enough
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
