garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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