did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
