What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
