If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
