So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Randomize
