What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
