You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
