i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Randomize
