im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
