We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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