Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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