so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
