oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
