How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
