She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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