i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
