i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
