Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
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