okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
