Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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