i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
