Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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