Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
