I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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