I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
