umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
God I need to hump something, right now.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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