is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
