I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
