Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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