last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
