If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
