I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
