Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
