Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
