we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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