I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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