So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
