STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
