he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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