oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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