So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
